TIME: 9:52
Vroom!
The cop was 10 steps away, when the traffic light turned green!
Green had never looked such a beautiful colour to me ever. Today, it was a difference between life and death! Life had won! I could just imagine the expressions on the face of that Cop! It must have been akin to that on a predator’s face after it loses its prey after getting both Jaws to it. Luck had been on my side today, and Murphy’s Law had reversed.
Not Yet!!
Have you ever seen the cyclists on a red light? It is a strange sight. You are first on the traffic signal, and suddenly, before the traffic light s going to turn green, you find you are surrounded by a pack of cyclists, just as a deer is enveloped by a pack of hyenas. They crowd around you, and as soon as the light turns green, they make your traffic-life miserable!
Inching slowly at the start, they try to give ferocious competition to the motorists around them, by their sheer muscle power. Striving hard to overtake the motorists, they want to reach the virtual finishing line, no matter how.
Lungi-clad cyclists, trying to give 7 horses a run for their money (Most bikes are around 7 HP) makes for an amusing, if not very irritating sight. It is irritating, when you are on the receiving end of their wrath!
Wrath?
Yeah, they make you so slow, that either you can bump them off with sheer force, or get caught by a traffic cop! And since my poor bike couldn’t dislodge a mammoth Lungi-man (Yeah; I call them that on the lines of Superman ), I had to contend with the latter. Yeah, I was finally caught, and that would have definitely brought a malicious smile on Mr. Murphy’s lips to have seen his principle triumph again. And I cursed him for being right!
What had happened was, that in a bid to avoid the cop, I had taken the refuge of Lungi-man. I was driving between two of them, with motorists on their sides. But as fate had in it, one of the Lungi-Man lost his balance, and came in front of my bike. To save a collision, I had to brake, which led an another Lungi man collide into me! It was not a mistake of mine, but I was petrified. The signal had gone red, in accordance with Murphy’s law, and I was stranded in between, with the dumbbell-moustache Yama, the traffic cop, eyeing me with a victorious smile.
He had caught his prey finally!
“License!!”
“Err…Well…Sir..”
“LICENSE!!”
“well…umm….Here it is”
“What the hell! This is a Xerox! U wanna fool me??”
“Well Sir, I th8 a Xerox will do just fine”
“What if I give U a Xerox of a 500/- Note??”
My heart came to my mouth…WTF! Is he really EXPECTING that much??
“Well, Sir, in a licence, U just need to know, if I posess the required credentials for driving or not..And that is evident in Xerox that I do. So what’s the problem”?
“The problem is that I cannot Gobble Your License if U gimme a Xerox”
There was a momentary silence, that was exemplified by the stopping of my heart beat. Is he a terrorist, who has been released by Honorable Pakistan Army (Yeah, pun intended), to cause unrest in our country?? He wants to confiscate my license??? :-O
The malicious smile on his face, failed to convince me that he was joking! It hinted even more that he meant what he said!
It is weird. I somehow am compelled to believe in that divine power! What followed, can never be explained in any other manner! There was a sudden flash of lightening, in my mind, and it was all crystal clear, the masterplan of my escape!
“Well Sir, I DO have my original license with me. But MAY I ask what have I DONE wrong, that I need to show that to you. I am in a hurry!?”
“To start with, U broke the Red Light, and DO NOT have a Helmet”
(“To start with???? He has other aces up his sleeve”, I thought!!)
“I have an emergency to deal with officer. Please let me go!”
I tried to bring in a tone of desperation, and a heightened sense of urgency, in my voice.
“Really? Who isn’t in a hurry nowadays. Time is money, isn’t it? Even I am in a hurry. Get your PUC out, your original license in here fast!”
“Huh!! Since when have these traffic cops, been so good at logic?”, I thought to myself.
Has he been preparing for some management entrance as well, I thought. Fat chance. He won’t have the time to prepare, being there in scorching heat the whole day, I comforted myself.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
A typical Day : Part2
TIME:9:47
Not paying much emphasis to that slimy street-dog( Maybe he was having a bad day too- That makes us both wonderful companions; After all a dog is a man’s best friend!), I took to my bike, which was wallowing in mud! Apparently, the last date for servicing was years ago, and yours truly could not find up enough courage to clean it. Was I thinking of cleaning it Up?? U bet, I did! Then I ridiculed myself to have brought that ridiculous thought inside my head! Why do all the mundane stuff strike you at the most in-opportune time??
Without thinking about the answer, I somehow kick started it (Why? Coz the Electric Shelf, wasn’t working…that’s Y!!). The usual grrr…….Broom!! And it went on!! Surprisingly, the fuel indicator was showing fuel over the halfway mark, which led me to doubt its authenticity. Thanking almighty, I saddled the poor vehicle with my burly body, and it went off in a puff of dust!!
Vroooom……
“Dhoom machaale….., Dhoom machaale dhoom!!”
I had Seen the movie Dhoom2 the day before, and the Hrithik Roshan inside me was bellowing full swing! I decided to race at 80 but then I realized I didn’t have a helmet. “Better to be an Ankit with an intact body, than to be a Hritik Roshan with a split one!!”, I said to myself, and had mercy on the accelerator.
Shit!!
I forgot my helmet..!!
I cannot go up, and get it…A wastage of 5 more minutes was un-affordable! I decided to play on my luck!
I whoozed past the Pedestrians, and they were all staring at me. I wondered whether I was looking human. I had long back broken my rear-view mirror, so I had to remain content with the hope that I was! It was impossible that they got a hint that I didn’t bathe ! Not possible. From hairs??
Naah…!! One’s hairs are always messed up while driving a bike!! Then How come……??
I was thinking of the gorgeous Shikha while driving. She was my college crush. And that too, big time one. She was a gorgeous female, for whom, any sane guy would have given his 2 legs, 2 hands, 2 eyes, and 2 brains (yeah, humans have 2 brains Dumbo!!) !! She was a year junior to me, and was a complete studies freak, Just like me! Yeah, I am kidding! But really, she WAS! Though I never mustered enough courage to talk to her, I was sure that she occasionally glanced me flirtatiously, but my friends never thought on the same lines. They were all probably jealous !
But I never ever got to talk to her. She wore this cute smile, when I looked at her, and I flashed mine, and that used to be the end of story! I had desires……….which remained desires. Thanks to my “fattu” nature, I always manage to screw my life!
So those un-manifested desires had to be vented out somewhere. So why not in dreams?? I dreamt 7 days continuously about Shikha, especially after I got a news that she had got a job at a company in Ahmedabad! The dream that I just saw tonight, was the 7th part of the sequel that had started a week ago, and today was going to be the climax. After 7 days of hard fighting, had I come to a stage in which she was going to propose me, and hell, The Alarm clock!!
I am gonna sue Nokia!! For sure!!
I reached the First traffic light. It was RED! N there I saw the ‘yama”, Indian God of Death, wielding a baton in his hand. He was dressed in white uniform and adorned a white cap. The traditional Lungi and the Gada were missing though, which made his recognition a bit late. And then it occurred to me, that I did not have a helmet.
I always wondered why the ‘creatures’ called Traffic Policemen exist, especially when they have no role to play in the food chain. These burly, fatsos, good for nothing demons, would pounce on you for absolutely NO mistake of your own! Not having a helmet is a crime??? Then why don’t you punish the streetwalkers and the cycle-waalas? In India, more cycle-waalas cause an accident, than anyone else. Hence, law should be wielded uniformly. It is My life. I don’t wanna protect it…My wish!! Why the hell must I be fined for THAT?? God gave me a life, not YOU !!
But I knew that Logic far outweighs a policeman’s callous brain. A policeman is a creature, devoid of rational thinking and meant to have absolutely no empathy, leave alone sympathy. He is there for a mission, & that mission, is to amass as big a fortune, that shall make his 17 generations live opulently. This he does by harassing and bullying poor creatures: US ! And I suspect, he derives a malicious satisfaction from his job as well!
My first reaction was “ Hey, He is alone! I go to gym, he does not! I can easily rough him up, beat him to death, and no-one will even notice. In fact, people are so fed up with the atrocities of these traffic cops nowadays, that they will even Help me in this noble cause!!
Then I noticed the baton in his hand, that was the replacement of the ‘GADA’. I dropped my plan!
My mind started working on overdrive. The policeman had not yet seen me. I could sneak from an another way. But what if there is an another policeman in there ?? No! I cannot take a risk on time and fate. The only option remaining is to pray that he does not look at me, till the light turns green, and when it does, Zoom in between the vehicles !! One cannot be stopped in middle of a green light, when one is surrounded by vehicles!
Murphy’s Law
“ Things will go wrong most, when they shouldn’t”!!
Was Murphy a pessimist?? Maybe, but he deserves a Nobel for that Law! It is the most applicable law of science, and sadly the most irrefutable. How I wished right now that he was wrong!
I had almost worn a look of self congratulations on my face for hatching such a devious idea, when fate gate-crashed into the party. Murphy’s law proved itself experimentally yet again!
Apparently, fate had told this prying Yama, that there is a feeble Soul to be devoured, which is without protection (Helmet, I mean!!). He was marching towards me, just as the butcher walks towards the fearful lamb, which is going to be butchered. He had this cruel smile on his coal black face and dumbbell shaped moustaches, which proclaimed his intentions to me, in a shouting spree !!
My wallet was seeming a lot heavier now, and I was sure, that it was going to lose weight soon. And I shrugged on the thought of the Cop, killing 10 minutes of my time. I was already getting dead late!!
I could have given anything for that light to turn green right now !!
I stared helplessly towards the traffic signal, so as to avoid my impending fate, that was wielding a baton and marching towards me. Time does stop when you are in middle of a calamity! I was getting a living proof of Time-Anti-Dilation!!
Not paying much emphasis to that slimy street-dog( Maybe he was having a bad day too- That makes us both wonderful companions; After all a dog is a man’s best friend!), I took to my bike, which was wallowing in mud! Apparently, the last date for servicing was years ago, and yours truly could not find up enough courage to clean it. Was I thinking of cleaning it Up?? U bet, I did! Then I ridiculed myself to have brought that ridiculous thought inside my head! Why do all the mundane stuff strike you at the most in-opportune time??
Without thinking about the answer, I somehow kick started it (Why? Coz the Electric Shelf, wasn’t working…that’s Y!!). The usual grrr…….Broom!! And it went on!! Surprisingly, the fuel indicator was showing fuel over the halfway mark, which led me to doubt its authenticity. Thanking almighty, I saddled the poor vehicle with my burly body, and it went off in a puff of dust!!
Vroooom……
“Dhoom machaale….., Dhoom machaale dhoom!!”
I had Seen the movie Dhoom2 the day before, and the Hrithik Roshan inside me was bellowing full swing! I decided to race at 80 but then I realized I didn’t have a helmet. “Better to be an Ankit with an intact body, than to be a Hritik Roshan with a split one!!”, I said to myself, and had mercy on the accelerator.
Shit!!
I forgot my helmet..!!
I cannot go up, and get it…A wastage of 5 more minutes was un-affordable! I decided to play on my luck!
I whoozed past the Pedestrians, and they were all staring at me. I wondered whether I was looking human. I had long back broken my rear-view mirror, so I had to remain content with the hope that I was! It was impossible that they got a hint that I didn’t bathe ! Not possible. From hairs??
Naah…!! One’s hairs are always messed up while driving a bike!! Then How come……??
I was thinking of the gorgeous Shikha while driving. She was my college crush. And that too, big time one. She was a gorgeous female, for whom, any sane guy would have given his 2 legs, 2 hands, 2 eyes, and 2 brains (yeah, humans have 2 brains Dumbo!!) !! She was a year junior to me, and was a complete studies freak, Just like me! Yeah, I am kidding! But really, she WAS! Though I never mustered enough courage to talk to her, I was sure that she occasionally glanced me flirtatiously, but my friends never thought on the same lines. They were all probably jealous !
But I never ever got to talk to her. She wore this cute smile, when I looked at her, and I flashed mine, and that used to be the end of story! I had desires……….which remained desires. Thanks to my “fattu” nature, I always manage to screw my life!
So those un-manifested desires had to be vented out somewhere. So why not in dreams?? I dreamt 7 days continuously about Shikha, especially after I got a news that she had got a job at a company in Ahmedabad! The dream that I just saw tonight, was the 7th part of the sequel that had started a week ago, and today was going to be the climax. After 7 days of hard fighting, had I come to a stage in which she was going to propose me, and hell, The Alarm clock!!
I am gonna sue Nokia!! For sure!!
I reached the First traffic light. It was RED! N there I saw the ‘yama”, Indian God of Death, wielding a baton in his hand. He was dressed in white uniform and adorned a white cap. The traditional Lungi and the Gada were missing though, which made his recognition a bit late. And then it occurred to me, that I did not have a helmet.
I always wondered why the ‘creatures’ called Traffic Policemen exist, especially when they have no role to play in the food chain. These burly, fatsos, good for nothing demons, would pounce on you for absolutely NO mistake of your own! Not having a helmet is a crime??? Then why don’t you punish the streetwalkers and the cycle-waalas? In India, more cycle-waalas cause an accident, than anyone else. Hence, law should be wielded uniformly. It is My life. I don’t wanna protect it…My wish!! Why the hell must I be fined for THAT?? God gave me a life, not YOU !!
But I knew that Logic far outweighs a policeman’s callous brain. A policeman is a creature, devoid of rational thinking and meant to have absolutely no empathy, leave alone sympathy. He is there for a mission, & that mission, is to amass as big a fortune, that shall make his 17 generations live opulently. This he does by harassing and bullying poor creatures: US ! And I suspect, he derives a malicious satisfaction from his job as well!
My first reaction was “ Hey, He is alone! I go to gym, he does not! I can easily rough him up, beat him to death, and no-one will even notice. In fact, people are so fed up with the atrocities of these traffic cops nowadays, that they will even Help me in this noble cause!!
Then I noticed the baton in his hand, that was the replacement of the ‘GADA’. I dropped my plan!
My mind started working on overdrive. The policeman had not yet seen me. I could sneak from an another way. But what if there is an another policeman in there ?? No! I cannot take a risk on time and fate. The only option remaining is to pray that he does not look at me, till the light turns green, and when it does, Zoom in between the vehicles !! One cannot be stopped in middle of a green light, when one is surrounded by vehicles!
Murphy’s Law
“ Things will go wrong most, when they shouldn’t”!!
Was Murphy a pessimist?? Maybe, but he deserves a Nobel for that Law! It is the most applicable law of science, and sadly the most irrefutable. How I wished right now that he was wrong!
I had almost worn a look of self congratulations on my face for hatching such a devious idea, when fate gate-crashed into the party. Murphy’s law proved itself experimentally yet again!
Apparently, fate had told this prying Yama, that there is a feeble Soul to be devoured, which is without protection (Helmet, I mean!!). He was marching towards me, just as the butcher walks towards the fearful lamb, which is going to be butchered. He had this cruel smile on his coal black face and dumbbell shaped moustaches, which proclaimed his intentions to me, in a shouting spree !!
My wallet was seeming a lot heavier now, and I was sure, that it was going to lose weight soon. And I shrugged on the thought of the Cop, killing 10 minutes of my time. I was already getting dead late!!
I could have given anything for that light to turn green right now !!
I stared helplessly towards the traffic signal, so as to avoid my impending fate, that was wielding a baton and marching towards me. Time does stop when you are in middle of a calamity! I was getting a living proof of Time-Anti-Dilation!!
A typical Day : Part1
Venue: Snow covered mountains and the greens beyond. As far as the vision permits, it is a scenic and serene surrounding.
Temperature: 15 Degrees above 0.
Venue: The Himalayas (Imagine any mountain for that matter…Won’t make a difference…All mountains are the same)
TIME: Morning
“ You have been one of the best thing that ever happened to me, Ankit”, I heard her lips move. “ Isn’t it beautiful how two people can come so close in such a small time. I wish I had met you before”
“oh Shikha, I…”
“ No, let me speak”, and she came close! “ I have been thinking of saying this thing to you for so long, but never could muster enough courage. But today, it is a fantastic day. I am going to bare my soul to you today”
She spoke softly, and came even closer. Her hands over my neck, circling like a garland. I wished that everything else would disappear. Just she and me!
“ I wanted to say since so long that I…..”
“Yes Shikha..” My mouth watered…Heartbeats raised !! She was going to propose!
“I..”
“yes….yes…”
“I Love…”
“yes, go on!!” The heart beat rate was well over the threshold !
“ I LOVE ……..
*Beep Beep *
*Beep Beep *
“ Sorry, Its my phone…Can U get it from the table??”
Darn ! There are times when you feel that world would have done more progress on the love front, had these cellular companies, not come under picture. That small gadget was looking like a sinister Cluster bomb to me. N I wanted it to meet the same fate.
“yeah, Let me switch it off for you”. I took the phone, n cancelled the call.
But to my utter surprise, the phone KEPT ON RINGING !!
HOWZ that Possible????
I tried again, the phone kept on ringing, and the ringing was growing aloud with each passing second !
This was impossible……..Unless it is a…………………..NO !!!
This cannot be!!
Not this time!!
No!!
…..NO!!!
……………………………..NO !!!!!
I found myself falling down a black endless tunnel. The fall breaks with the sound of a NOKIA Beep
Beep beep…….
Beep Beep…….
The alarm Clock!
It was a dream.
Hell…..What the heck!!! Couldn’t I have kept the alarm after 5 minutes ???
Darn..!! The girl I have been thinking about day and night……She was gonna propose to me !! N this Yuck phone had to spoil this all !! I am gonna sue Nokia ! Couldn’t the dream last a few more minutes?? Maybe, sleeping again continues the dream from where it is left. Or maybe, If I am lucky, I will get the dream continued tonight!
I slugged out from the bed, to fumble and reach the alarm clock.
WHAT??????????????
It can’t be 9:40. It can’t be! Laws of physics have come to haunt me! There is a time warp! Today is the all important presentation in the office!! How can it be 9:40? It Simply cannot be!
Yet it was….My roomie had left for the office, without taking the bother to wake me up !
“That rotten bastard….What have I not done for him! N today, when I most needed him….He desserts me! God curse them all…..Man!! I am doomed!!”
The day had started ominously. First I lost Shikha, and then I got up late. And now, I will hear Boss’ tirade. And then, maybe my credit, and then……who knows!!
The optimist within me gnarled, “ You still have 20 minutes to make it to the presentation hall ! You R beaten only if You think you are!! ”
“Getting a new wave of excitement within my blood, I spurted on my feet.
I started making this checklist of imp things to be done!!
“Brush…..??”
“Naah…..Not needed, I brushed yesterday”
“Toilet..??”
“Our office has got a good one!”
“Bath??”
“U crazy?? In a crisis like THIS??? U just had one day before yesterday…Or maybe before that! Spare the trouble !!”
I thanked GOD for as important an invention as a deodorant. This useful invention has been responsible for eliminating most of the pollution from earth. So what if it causes global warming !!!
Got hold of a T-Shirt, and jeans in quick succession !! Hairs?? Why bother….Get a comb n get it done during walk to the office! I dashed out, locking my room!
The dog on the street glanced at me. And then took off in the opposite direction.
I couldn’t understand why!!
Temperature: 15 Degrees above 0.
Venue: The Himalayas (Imagine any mountain for that matter…Won’t make a difference…All mountains are the same)
TIME: Morning
“ You have been one of the best thing that ever happened to me, Ankit”, I heard her lips move. “ Isn’t it beautiful how two people can come so close in such a small time. I wish I had met you before”
“oh Shikha, I…”
“ No, let me speak”, and she came close! “ I have been thinking of saying this thing to you for so long, but never could muster enough courage. But today, it is a fantastic day. I am going to bare my soul to you today”
She spoke softly, and came even closer. Her hands over my neck, circling like a garland. I wished that everything else would disappear. Just she and me!
“ I wanted to say since so long that I…..”
“Yes Shikha..” My mouth watered…Heartbeats raised !! She was going to propose!
“I..”
“yes….yes…”
“I Love…”
“yes, go on!!” The heart beat rate was well over the threshold !
“ I LOVE ……..
*Beep Beep *
*Beep Beep *
“ Sorry, Its my phone…Can U get it from the table??”
Darn ! There are times when you feel that world would have done more progress on the love front, had these cellular companies, not come under picture. That small gadget was looking like a sinister Cluster bomb to me. N I wanted it to meet the same fate.
“yeah, Let me switch it off for you”. I took the phone, n cancelled the call.
But to my utter surprise, the phone KEPT ON RINGING !!
HOWZ that Possible????
I tried again, the phone kept on ringing, and the ringing was growing aloud with each passing second !
This was impossible……..Unless it is a…………………..NO !!!
This cannot be!!
Not this time!!
No!!
…..NO!!!
……………………………..NO !!!!!
I found myself falling down a black endless tunnel. The fall breaks with the sound of a NOKIA Beep
Beep beep…….
Beep Beep…….
The alarm Clock!
It was a dream.
Hell…..What the heck!!! Couldn’t I have kept the alarm after 5 minutes ???
Darn..!! The girl I have been thinking about day and night……She was gonna propose to me !! N this Yuck phone had to spoil this all !! I am gonna sue Nokia ! Couldn’t the dream last a few more minutes?? Maybe, sleeping again continues the dream from where it is left. Or maybe, If I am lucky, I will get the dream continued tonight!
I slugged out from the bed, to fumble and reach the alarm clock.
WHAT??????????????
It can’t be 9:40. It can’t be! Laws of physics have come to haunt me! There is a time warp! Today is the all important presentation in the office!! How can it be 9:40? It Simply cannot be!
Yet it was….My roomie had left for the office, without taking the bother to wake me up !
“That rotten bastard….What have I not done for him! N today, when I most needed him….He desserts me! God curse them all…..Man!! I am doomed!!”
The day had started ominously. First I lost Shikha, and then I got up late. And now, I will hear Boss’ tirade. And then, maybe my credit, and then……who knows!!
The optimist within me gnarled, “ You still have 20 minutes to make it to the presentation hall ! You R beaten only if You think you are!! ”
“Getting a new wave of excitement within my blood, I spurted on my feet.
I started making this checklist of imp things to be done!!
“Brush…..??”
“Naah…..Not needed, I brushed yesterday”
“Toilet..??”
“Our office has got a good one!”
“Bath??”
“U crazy?? In a crisis like THIS??? U just had one day before yesterday…Or maybe before that! Spare the trouble !!”
I thanked GOD for as important an invention as a deodorant. This useful invention has been responsible for eliminating most of the pollution from earth. So what if it causes global warming !!!
Got hold of a T-Shirt, and jeans in quick succession !! Hairs?? Why bother….Get a comb n get it done during walk to the office! I dashed out, locking my room!
The dog on the street glanced at me. And then took off in the opposite direction.
I couldn’t understand why!!
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