For a fleeting instance, I had pity on the poor chap, for being there the whole day in scorching summer sun. But then I realized that his ‘Return of investment’ in the job is GOOD, the one that he derives, by devouring innocent souls like mine, and by emptying our pockets.
A quick calculation started running through my mind instantaneously.
Assuming Every traffic light of a duration of 2 minutes, starting from 9am to 9 pm in night, on a 4-crossroad,we have 4 lanes to go to. As a result, we have 4 points of collection(where traffic cops can be deployed…One each).
Every2 minutes, assuming that at least on one of those 4 lanes, a poor soul gets devoured, and that the time taken is enough to Miss the next 4 minutes on that lane. So we have one ‘catch’ on a lane every 6 minutes(One red light’s 2 minutes inclusive). Assuming a 50/- note from more fortunate ones and a 100/- from more unfortunate ones, we can safely assume, that a 4-laned traffic light cops, between them, earn on an average of 75/- per 6 minutes, between them. That makes 750/- per hour between 4 people. Or rather say approx 190/- per hour. Over a 10 hour job at minimum, a traffic cop shall earn around 1900/-. Assuming that he gives half of this to the government, he still saves 950/- per day. Assuming he derives a measly 5000/- PM from government, and derives 950*25=23k approx, He gets a total of 28K PER MONTH?????
And this figure is assuming that we have 1 catch per 6 minutes, at one of the 4 lanes! So this figure is set to increase a lot more, variably!
That is more than most of ours monthly salary!! :-O
That wicked Cop!!!!!!! Who would suspect that measly creature of such grave felony!!
Anyways, my attention now was focused on being out of this net, and to not be the part of that food-chain, where helpless creatures were forced to sacrifice their daily wages, to the annoying creature called the traffic cop!
“Officer, U don’t understand, I am a ….”
“A minister?? An IAS Officer?? Son of an MLA?? I don’t care. Get these things out and tell me why don’t you have a helmet”
“I had to rush out of the home, on an emergency call. Didn’t have the time to pick my helmet”
“What do you do? Work in fire department?”
The faint smile at his face, as a result of that bad joke, couldn’t evoke a similar reaction on my face. Moreover, I didn’t have a water tank with me. How can he even THINK like that? I did not even wear my red cap today.
“Well, not a fire, but a medical emergency!”
“So you are a compounder!!”
Again that faint smile coupled with a conspicuous shade of mockery, written all over the face, with bold letters. Damn!! Do I look like a COMPOUNDER??
What the hell!
“No…..a doctor”
It was HIS turn to be surprised now!
“You are a WHAT?”
“Doctor!”
My face was expressionless!
“Hmm…May I see you ID card?”
“I told you that it was an emergency. A patient of mine, had a heart-attack. I am rushing to see him. If I don’t rush at his place, maybe he will die. And the sole blame of all that would be on YOUR shoulders.
U see that red cross mark over there on my Bike? I didn’t put it to tell you that I am a doctor. It is there to be known, that doctors must not be stopped. I didn’t break any rule. I didn’t even break the light. It was yellow, when I crossed it! Even YOU know that. The more time we spend here discussing, the lower is the guy going to sink, and the lower are his chances of living. I will make it easy for you Officer.
You have two choices.
ONE! Take me to My home. Get my original license and Medical card. You verify, if it is true. You then check my PUC, and then ay it’s okay, and then you ask me 50/- for breaking the traffic light, and meanwhile the patient dies, coz of the want of a doctor, who was held by a traffic cop. Would you be able to sleep in peace, ever again?
Second!
You let me go right now, and save a life, and any burden on your conscience.
Choice is purely yours.
I said all this with a straight face.
He didn’t bat an eyelid before making his decision!
I was on the way to my office. The ordeal took 3.5 minutes.
If you really thought that I hid something from you, by not telling you that I was a doctor, you are right! Coz even I didn’t know 5 minutes back, that I was! That sign of Red Cross, on my bike, was put there by a kid of my neighbor(Who happened to be a doctor). Mine and my neighbor’s bike were of the same model, and stood adjacently. He mistakenly had put the red sticker on MY bike, and I didn’t scratch it off, thinking it will be of use someday! And boy o boy….Was it of use!!
I cheered on, thinking of treating my neighbor’s son, for his great deed!
But greater battles laid ahead. My boss being one of them!
And the road was long!
Wednesday, April 4, 2007
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
A typical Day : Part3
TIME: 9:52
Vroom!
The cop was 10 steps away, when the traffic light turned green!
Green had never looked such a beautiful colour to me ever. Today, it was a difference between life and death! Life had won! I could just imagine the expressions on the face of that Cop! It must have been akin to that on a predator’s face after it loses its prey after getting both Jaws to it. Luck had been on my side today, and Murphy’s Law had reversed.
Not Yet!!
Have you ever seen the cyclists on a red light? It is a strange sight. You are first on the traffic signal, and suddenly, before the traffic light s going to turn green, you find you are surrounded by a pack of cyclists, just as a deer is enveloped by a pack of hyenas. They crowd around you, and as soon as the light turns green, they make your traffic-life miserable!
Inching slowly at the start, they try to give ferocious competition to the motorists around them, by their sheer muscle power. Striving hard to overtake the motorists, they want to reach the virtual finishing line, no matter how.
Lungi-clad cyclists, trying to give 7 horses a run for their money (Most bikes are around 7 HP) makes for an amusing, if not very irritating sight. It is irritating, when you are on the receiving end of their wrath!
Wrath?
Yeah, they make you so slow, that either you can bump them off with sheer force, or get caught by a traffic cop! And since my poor bike couldn’t dislodge a mammoth Lungi-man (Yeah; I call them that on the lines of Superman ), I had to contend with the latter. Yeah, I was finally caught, and that would have definitely brought a malicious smile on Mr. Murphy’s lips to have seen his principle triumph again. And I cursed him for being right!
What had happened was, that in a bid to avoid the cop, I had taken the refuge of Lungi-man. I was driving between two of them, with motorists on their sides. But as fate had in it, one of the Lungi-Man lost his balance, and came in front of my bike. To save a collision, I had to brake, which led an another Lungi man collide into me! It was not a mistake of mine, but I was petrified. The signal had gone red, in accordance with Murphy’s law, and I was stranded in between, with the dumbbell-moustache Yama, the traffic cop, eyeing me with a victorious smile.
He had caught his prey finally!
“License!!”
“Err…Well…Sir..”
“LICENSE!!”
“well…umm….Here it is”
“What the hell! This is a Xerox! U wanna fool me??”
“Well Sir, I th8 a Xerox will do just fine”
“What if I give U a Xerox of a 500/- Note??”
My heart came to my mouth…WTF! Is he really EXPECTING that much??
“Well, Sir, in a licence, U just need to know, if I posess the required credentials for driving or not..And that is evident in Xerox that I do. So what’s the problem”?
“The problem is that I cannot Gobble Your License if U gimme a Xerox”
There was a momentary silence, that was exemplified by the stopping of my heart beat. Is he a terrorist, who has been released by Honorable Pakistan Army (Yeah, pun intended), to cause unrest in our country?? He wants to confiscate my license??? :-O
The malicious smile on his face, failed to convince me that he was joking! It hinted even more that he meant what he said!
It is weird. I somehow am compelled to believe in that divine power! What followed, can never be explained in any other manner! There was a sudden flash of lightening, in my mind, and it was all crystal clear, the masterplan of my escape!
“Well Sir, I DO have my original license with me. But MAY I ask what have I DONE wrong, that I need to show that to you. I am in a hurry!?”
“To start with, U broke the Red Light, and DO NOT have a Helmet”
(“To start with???? He has other aces up his sleeve”, I thought!!)
“I have an emergency to deal with officer. Please let me go!”
I tried to bring in a tone of desperation, and a heightened sense of urgency, in my voice.
“Really? Who isn’t in a hurry nowadays. Time is money, isn’t it? Even I am in a hurry. Get your PUC out, your original license in here fast!”
“Huh!! Since when have these traffic cops, been so good at logic?”, I thought to myself.
Has he been preparing for some management entrance as well, I thought. Fat chance. He won’t have the time to prepare, being there in scorching heat the whole day, I comforted myself.
Vroom!
The cop was 10 steps away, when the traffic light turned green!
Green had never looked such a beautiful colour to me ever. Today, it was a difference between life and death! Life had won! I could just imagine the expressions on the face of that Cop! It must have been akin to that on a predator’s face after it loses its prey after getting both Jaws to it. Luck had been on my side today, and Murphy’s Law had reversed.
Not Yet!!
Have you ever seen the cyclists on a red light? It is a strange sight. You are first on the traffic signal, and suddenly, before the traffic light s going to turn green, you find you are surrounded by a pack of cyclists, just as a deer is enveloped by a pack of hyenas. They crowd around you, and as soon as the light turns green, they make your traffic-life miserable!
Inching slowly at the start, they try to give ferocious competition to the motorists around them, by their sheer muscle power. Striving hard to overtake the motorists, they want to reach the virtual finishing line, no matter how.
Lungi-clad cyclists, trying to give 7 horses a run for their money (Most bikes are around 7 HP) makes for an amusing, if not very irritating sight. It is irritating, when you are on the receiving end of their wrath!
Wrath?
Yeah, they make you so slow, that either you can bump them off with sheer force, or get caught by a traffic cop! And since my poor bike couldn’t dislodge a mammoth Lungi-man (Yeah; I call them that on the lines of Superman ), I had to contend with the latter. Yeah, I was finally caught, and that would have definitely brought a malicious smile on Mr. Murphy’s lips to have seen his principle triumph again. And I cursed him for being right!
What had happened was, that in a bid to avoid the cop, I had taken the refuge of Lungi-man. I was driving between two of them, with motorists on their sides. But as fate had in it, one of the Lungi-Man lost his balance, and came in front of my bike. To save a collision, I had to brake, which led an another Lungi man collide into me! It was not a mistake of mine, but I was petrified. The signal had gone red, in accordance with Murphy’s law, and I was stranded in between, with the dumbbell-moustache Yama, the traffic cop, eyeing me with a victorious smile.
He had caught his prey finally!
“License!!”
“Err…Well…Sir..”
“LICENSE!!”
“well…umm….Here it is”
“What the hell! This is a Xerox! U wanna fool me??”
“Well Sir, I th8 a Xerox will do just fine”
“What if I give U a Xerox of a 500/- Note??”
My heart came to my mouth…WTF! Is he really EXPECTING that much??
“Well, Sir, in a licence, U just need to know, if I posess the required credentials for driving or not..And that is evident in Xerox that I do. So what’s the problem”?
“The problem is that I cannot Gobble Your License if U gimme a Xerox”
There was a momentary silence, that was exemplified by the stopping of my heart beat. Is he a terrorist, who has been released by Honorable Pakistan Army (Yeah, pun intended), to cause unrest in our country?? He wants to confiscate my license??? :-O
The malicious smile on his face, failed to convince me that he was joking! It hinted even more that he meant what he said!
It is weird. I somehow am compelled to believe in that divine power! What followed, can never be explained in any other manner! There was a sudden flash of lightening, in my mind, and it was all crystal clear, the masterplan of my escape!
“Well Sir, I DO have my original license with me. But MAY I ask what have I DONE wrong, that I need to show that to you. I am in a hurry!?”
“To start with, U broke the Red Light, and DO NOT have a Helmet”
(“To start with???? He has other aces up his sleeve”, I thought!!)
“I have an emergency to deal with officer. Please let me go!”
I tried to bring in a tone of desperation, and a heightened sense of urgency, in my voice.
“Really? Who isn’t in a hurry nowadays. Time is money, isn’t it? Even I am in a hurry. Get your PUC out, your original license in here fast!”
“Huh!! Since when have these traffic cops, been so good at logic?”, I thought to myself.
Has he been preparing for some management entrance as well, I thought. Fat chance. He won’t have the time to prepare, being there in scorching heat the whole day, I comforted myself.
A typical Day : Part2
TIME:9:47
Not paying much emphasis to that slimy street-dog( Maybe he was having a bad day too- That makes us both wonderful companions; After all a dog is a man’s best friend!), I took to my bike, which was wallowing in mud! Apparently, the last date for servicing was years ago, and yours truly could not find up enough courage to clean it. Was I thinking of cleaning it Up?? U bet, I did! Then I ridiculed myself to have brought that ridiculous thought inside my head! Why do all the mundane stuff strike you at the most in-opportune time??
Without thinking about the answer, I somehow kick started it (Why? Coz the Electric Shelf, wasn’t working…that’s Y!!). The usual grrr…….Broom!! And it went on!! Surprisingly, the fuel indicator was showing fuel over the halfway mark, which led me to doubt its authenticity. Thanking almighty, I saddled the poor vehicle with my burly body, and it went off in a puff of dust!!
Vroooom……
“Dhoom machaale….., Dhoom machaale dhoom!!”
I had Seen the movie Dhoom2 the day before, and the Hrithik Roshan inside me was bellowing full swing! I decided to race at 80 but then I realized I didn’t have a helmet. “Better to be an Ankit with an intact body, than to be a Hritik Roshan with a split one!!”, I said to myself, and had mercy on the accelerator.
Shit!!
I forgot my helmet..!!
I cannot go up, and get it…A wastage of 5 more minutes was un-affordable! I decided to play on my luck!
I whoozed past the Pedestrians, and they were all staring at me. I wondered whether I was looking human. I had long back broken my rear-view mirror, so I had to remain content with the hope that I was! It was impossible that they got a hint that I didn’t bathe ! Not possible. From hairs??
Naah…!! One’s hairs are always messed up while driving a bike!! Then How come……??
I was thinking of the gorgeous Shikha while driving. She was my college crush. And that too, big time one. She was a gorgeous female, for whom, any sane guy would have given his 2 legs, 2 hands, 2 eyes, and 2 brains (yeah, humans have 2 brains Dumbo!!) !! She was a year junior to me, and was a complete studies freak, Just like me! Yeah, I am kidding! But really, she WAS! Though I never mustered enough courage to talk to her, I was sure that she occasionally glanced me flirtatiously, but my friends never thought on the same lines. They were all probably jealous !
But I never ever got to talk to her. She wore this cute smile, when I looked at her, and I flashed mine, and that used to be the end of story! I had desires……….which remained desires. Thanks to my “fattu” nature, I always manage to screw my life!
So those un-manifested desires had to be vented out somewhere. So why not in dreams?? I dreamt 7 days continuously about Shikha, especially after I got a news that she had got a job at a company in Ahmedabad! The dream that I just saw tonight, was the 7th part of the sequel that had started a week ago, and today was going to be the climax. After 7 days of hard fighting, had I come to a stage in which she was going to propose me, and hell, The Alarm clock!!
I am gonna sue Nokia!! For sure!!
I reached the First traffic light. It was RED! N there I saw the ‘yama”, Indian God of Death, wielding a baton in his hand. He was dressed in white uniform and adorned a white cap. The traditional Lungi and the Gada were missing though, which made his recognition a bit late. And then it occurred to me, that I did not have a helmet.
I always wondered why the ‘creatures’ called Traffic Policemen exist, especially when they have no role to play in the food chain. These burly, fatsos, good for nothing demons, would pounce on you for absolutely NO mistake of your own! Not having a helmet is a crime??? Then why don’t you punish the streetwalkers and the cycle-waalas? In India, more cycle-waalas cause an accident, than anyone else. Hence, law should be wielded uniformly. It is My life. I don’t wanna protect it…My wish!! Why the hell must I be fined for THAT?? God gave me a life, not YOU !!
But I knew that Logic far outweighs a policeman’s callous brain. A policeman is a creature, devoid of rational thinking and meant to have absolutely no empathy, leave alone sympathy. He is there for a mission, & that mission, is to amass as big a fortune, that shall make his 17 generations live opulently. This he does by harassing and bullying poor creatures: US ! And I suspect, he derives a malicious satisfaction from his job as well!
My first reaction was “ Hey, He is alone! I go to gym, he does not! I can easily rough him up, beat him to death, and no-one will even notice. In fact, people are so fed up with the atrocities of these traffic cops nowadays, that they will even Help me in this noble cause!!
Then I noticed the baton in his hand, that was the replacement of the ‘GADA’. I dropped my plan!
My mind started working on overdrive. The policeman had not yet seen me. I could sneak from an another way. But what if there is an another policeman in there ?? No! I cannot take a risk on time and fate. The only option remaining is to pray that he does not look at me, till the light turns green, and when it does, Zoom in between the vehicles !! One cannot be stopped in middle of a green light, when one is surrounded by vehicles!
Murphy’s Law
“ Things will go wrong most, when they shouldn’t”!!
Was Murphy a pessimist?? Maybe, but he deserves a Nobel for that Law! It is the most applicable law of science, and sadly the most irrefutable. How I wished right now that he was wrong!
I had almost worn a look of self congratulations on my face for hatching such a devious idea, when fate gate-crashed into the party. Murphy’s law proved itself experimentally yet again!
Apparently, fate had told this prying Yama, that there is a feeble Soul to be devoured, which is without protection (Helmet, I mean!!). He was marching towards me, just as the butcher walks towards the fearful lamb, which is going to be butchered. He had this cruel smile on his coal black face and dumbbell shaped moustaches, which proclaimed his intentions to me, in a shouting spree !!
My wallet was seeming a lot heavier now, and I was sure, that it was going to lose weight soon. And I shrugged on the thought of the Cop, killing 10 minutes of my time. I was already getting dead late!!
I could have given anything for that light to turn green right now !!
I stared helplessly towards the traffic signal, so as to avoid my impending fate, that was wielding a baton and marching towards me. Time does stop when you are in middle of a calamity! I was getting a living proof of Time-Anti-Dilation!!
Not paying much emphasis to that slimy street-dog( Maybe he was having a bad day too- That makes us both wonderful companions; After all a dog is a man’s best friend!), I took to my bike, which was wallowing in mud! Apparently, the last date for servicing was years ago, and yours truly could not find up enough courage to clean it. Was I thinking of cleaning it Up?? U bet, I did! Then I ridiculed myself to have brought that ridiculous thought inside my head! Why do all the mundane stuff strike you at the most in-opportune time??
Without thinking about the answer, I somehow kick started it (Why? Coz the Electric Shelf, wasn’t working…that’s Y!!). The usual grrr…….Broom!! And it went on!! Surprisingly, the fuel indicator was showing fuel over the halfway mark, which led me to doubt its authenticity. Thanking almighty, I saddled the poor vehicle with my burly body, and it went off in a puff of dust!!
Vroooom……
“Dhoom machaale….., Dhoom machaale dhoom!!”
I had Seen the movie Dhoom2 the day before, and the Hrithik Roshan inside me was bellowing full swing! I decided to race at 80 but then I realized I didn’t have a helmet. “Better to be an Ankit with an intact body, than to be a Hritik Roshan with a split one!!”, I said to myself, and had mercy on the accelerator.
Shit!!
I forgot my helmet..!!
I cannot go up, and get it…A wastage of 5 more minutes was un-affordable! I decided to play on my luck!
I whoozed past the Pedestrians, and they were all staring at me. I wondered whether I was looking human. I had long back broken my rear-view mirror, so I had to remain content with the hope that I was! It was impossible that they got a hint that I didn’t bathe ! Not possible. From hairs??
Naah…!! One’s hairs are always messed up while driving a bike!! Then How come……??
I was thinking of the gorgeous Shikha while driving. She was my college crush. And that too, big time one. She was a gorgeous female, for whom, any sane guy would have given his 2 legs, 2 hands, 2 eyes, and 2 brains (yeah, humans have 2 brains Dumbo!!) !! She was a year junior to me, and was a complete studies freak, Just like me! Yeah, I am kidding! But really, she WAS! Though I never mustered enough courage to talk to her, I was sure that she occasionally glanced me flirtatiously, but my friends never thought on the same lines. They were all probably jealous !
But I never ever got to talk to her. She wore this cute smile, when I looked at her, and I flashed mine, and that used to be the end of story! I had desires……….which remained desires. Thanks to my “fattu” nature, I always manage to screw my life!
So those un-manifested desires had to be vented out somewhere. So why not in dreams?? I dreamt 7 days continuously about Shikha, especially after I got a news that she had got a job at a company in Ahmedabad! The dream that I just saw tonight, was the 7th part of the sequel that had started a week ago, and today was going to be the climax. After 7 days of hard fighting, had I come to a stage in which she was going to propose me, and hell, The Alarm clock!!
I am gonna sue Nokia!! For sure!!
I reached the First traffic light. It was RED! N there I saw the ‘yama”, Indian God of Death, wielding a baton in his hand. He was dressed in white uniform and adorned a white cap. The traditional Lungi and the Gada were missing though, which made his recognition a bit late. And then it occurred to me, that I did not have a helmet.
I always wondered why the ‘creatures’ called Traffic Policemen exist, especially when they have no role to play in the food chain. These burly, fatsos, good for nothing demons, would pounce on you for absolutely NO mistake of your own! Not having a helmet is a crime??? Then why don’t you punish the streetwalkers and the cycle-waalas? In India, more cycle-waalas cause an accident, than anyone else. Hence, law should be wielded uniformly. It is My life. I don’t wanna protect it…My wish!! Why the hell must I be fined for THAT?? God gave me a life, not YOU !!
But I knew that Logic far outweighs a policeman’s callous brain. A policeman is a creature, devoid of rational thinking and meant to have absolutely no empathy, leave alone sympathy. He is there for a mission, & that mission, is to amass as big a fortune, that shall make his 17 generations live opulently. This he does by harassing and bullying poor creatures: US ! And I suspect, he derives a malicious satisfaction from his job as well!
My first reaction was “ Hey, He is alone! I go to gym, he does not! I can easily rough him up, beat him to death, and no-one will even notice. In fact, people are so fed up with the atrocities of these traffic cops nowadays, that they will even Help me in this noble cause!!
Then I noticed the baton in his hand, that was the replacement of the ‘GADA’. I dropped my plan!
My mind started working on overdrive. The policeman had not yet seen me. I could sneak from an another way. But what if there is an another policeman in there ?? No! I cannot take a risk on time and fate. The only option remaining is to pray that he does not look at me, till the light turns green, and when it does, Zoom in between the vehicles !! One cannot be stopped in middle of a green light, when one is surrounded by vehicles!
Murphy’s Law
“ Things will go wrong most, when they shouldn’t”!!
Was Murphy a pessimist?? Maybe, but he deserves a Nobel for that Law! It is the most applicable law of science, and sadly the most irrefutable. How I wished right now that he was wrong!
I had almost worn a look of self congratulations on my face for hatching such a devious idea, when fate gate-crashed into the party. Murphy’s law proved itself experimentally yet again!
Apparently, fate had told this prying Yama, that there is a feeble Soul to be devoured, which is without protection (Helmet, I mean!!). He was marching towards me, just as the butcher walks towards the fearful lamb, which is going to be butchered. He had this cruel smile on his coal black face and dumbbell shaped moustaches, which proclaimed his intentions to me, in a shouting spree !!
My wallet was seeming a lot heavier now, and I was sure, that it was going to lose weight soon. And I shrugged on the thought of the Cop, killing 10 minutes of my time. I was already getting dead late!!
I could have given anything for that light to turn green right now !!
I stared helplessly towards the traffic signal, so as to avoid my impending fate, that was wielding a baton and marching towards me. Time does stop when you are in middle of a calamity! I was getting a living proof of Time-Anti-Dilation!!
A typical Day : Part1
Venue: Snow covered mountains and the greens beyond. As far as the vision permits, it is a scenic and serene surrounding.
Temperature: 15 Degrees above 0.
Venue: The Himalayas (Imagine any mountain for that matter…Won’t make a difference…All mountains are the same)
TIME: Morning
“ You have been one of the best thing that ever happened to me, Ankit”, I heard her lips move. “ Isn’t it beautiful how two people can come so close in such a small time. I wish I had met you before”
“oh Shikha, I…”
“ No, let me speak”, and she came close! “ I have been thinking of saying this thing to you for so long, but never could muster enough courage. But today, it is a fantastic day. I am going to bare my soul to you today”
She spoke softly, and came even closer. Her hands over my neck, circling like a garland. I wished that everything else would disappear. Just she and me!
“ I wanted to say since so long that I…..”
“Yes Shikha..” My mouth watered…Heartbeats raised !! She was going to propose!
“I..”
“yes….yes…”
“I Love…”
“yes, go on!!” The heart beat rate was well over the threshold !
“ I LOVE ……..
*Beep Beep *
*Beep Beep *
“ Sorry, Its my phone…Can U get it from the table??”
Darn ! There are times when you feel that world would have done more progress on the love front, had these cellular companies, not come under picture. That small gadget was looking like a sinister Cluster bomb to me. N I wanted it to meet the same fate.
“yeah, Let me switch it off for you”. I took the phone, n cancelled the call.
But to my utter surprise, the phone KEPT ON RINGING !!
HOWZ that Possible????
I tried again, the phone kept on ringing, and the ringing was growing aloud with each passing second !
This was impossible……..Unless it is a…………………..NO !!!
This cannot be!!
Not this time!!
No!!
…..NO!!!
……………………………..NO !!!!!
I found myself falling down a black endless tunnel. The fall breaks with the sound of a NOKIA Beep
Beep beep…….
Beep Beep…….
The alarm Clock!
It was a dream.
Hell…..What the heck!!! Couldn’t I have kept the alarm after 5 minutes ???
Darn..!! The girl I have been thinking about day and night……She was gonna propose to me !! N this Yuck phone had to spoil this all !! I am gonna sue Nokia ! Couldn’t the dream last a few more minutes?? Maybe, sleeping again continues the dream from where it is left. Or maybe, If I am lucky, I will get the dream continued tonight!
I slugged out from the bed, to fumble and reach the alarm clock.
WHAT??????????????
It can’t be 9:40. It can’t be! Laws of physics have come to haunt me! There is a time warp! Today is the all important presentation in the office!! How can it be 9:40? It Simply cannot be!
Yet it was….My roomie had left for the office, without taking the bother to wake me up !
“That rotten bastard….What have I not done for him! N today, when I most needed him….He desserts me! God curse them all…..Man!! I am doomed!!”
The day had started ominously. First I lost Shikha, and then I got up late. And now, I will hear Boss’ tirade. And then, maybe my credit, and then……who knows!!
The optimist within me gnarled, “ You still have 20 minutes to make it to the presentation hall ! You R beaten only if You think you are!! ”
“Getting a new wave of excitement within my blood, I spurted on my feet.
I started making this checklist of imp things to be done!!
“Brush…..??”
“Naah…..Not needed, I brushed yesterday”
“Toilet..??”
“Our office has got a good one!”
“Bath??”
“U crazy?? In a crisis like THIS??? U just had one day before yesterday…Or maybe before that! Spare the trouble !!”
I thanked GOD for as important an invention as a deodorant. This useful invention has been responsible for eliminating most of the pollution from earth. So what if it causes global warming !!!
Got hold of a T-Shirt, and jeans in quick succession !! Hairs?? Why bother….Get a comb n get it done during walk to the office! I dashed out, locking my room!
The dog on the street glanced at me. And then took off in the opposite direction.
I couldn’t understand why!!
Temperature: 15 Degrees above 0.
Venue: The Himalayas (Imagine any mountain for that matter…Won’t make a difference…All mountains are the same)
TIME: Morning
“ You have been one of the best thing that ever happened to me, Ankit”, I heard her lips move. “ Isn’t it beautiful how two people can come so close in such a small time. I wish I had met you before”
“oh Shikha, I…”
“ No, let me speak”, and she came close! “ I have been thinking of saying this thing to you for so long, but never could muster enough courage. But today, it is a fantastic day. I am going to bare my soul to you today”
She spoke softly, and came even closer. Her hands over my neck, circling like a garland. I wished that everything else would disappear. Just she and me!
“ I wanted to say since so long that I…..”
“Yes Shikha..” My mouth watered…Heartbeats raised !! She was going to propose!
“I..”
“yes….yes…”
“I Love…”
“yes, go on!!” The heart beat rate was well over the threshold !
“ I LOVE ……..
*Beep Beep *
*Beep Beep *
“ Sorry, Its my phone…Can U get it from the table??”
Darn ! There are times when you feel that world would have done more progress on the love front, had these cellular companies, not come under picture. That small gadget was looking like a sinister Cluster bomb to me. N I wanted it to meet the same fate.
“yeah, Let me switch it off for you”. I took the phone, n cancelled the call.
But to my utter surprise, the phone KEPT ON RINGING !!
HOWZ that Possible????
I tried again, the phone kept on ringing, and the ringing was growing aloud with each passing second !
This was impossible……..Unless it is a…………………..NO !!!
This cannot be!!
Not this time!!
No!!
…..NO!!!
……………………………..NO !!!!!
I found myself falling down a black endless tunnel. The fall breaks with the sound of a NOKIA Beep
Beep beep…….
Beep Beep…….
The alarm Clock!
It was a dream.
Hell…..What the heck!!! Couldn’t I have kept the alarm after 5 minutes ???
Darn..!! The girl I have been thinking about day and night……She was gonna propose to me !! N this Yuck phone had to spoil this all !! I am gonna sue Nokia ! Couldn’t the dream last a few more minutes?? Maybe, sleeping again continues the dream from where it is left. Or maybe, If I am lucky, I will get the dream continued tonight!
I slugged out from the bed, to fumble and reach the alarm clock.
WHAT??????????????
It can’t be 9:40. It can’t be! Laws of physics have come to haunt me! There is a time warp! Today is the all important presentation in the office!! How can it be 9:40? It Simply cannot be!
Yet it was….My roomie had left for the office, without taking the bother to wake me up !
“That rotten bastard….What have I not done for him! N today, when I most needed him….He desserts me! God curse them all…..Man!! I am doomed!!”
The day had started ominously. First I lost Shikha, and then I got up late. And now, I will hear Boss’ tirade. And then, maybe my credit, and then……who knows!!
The optimist within me gnarled, “ You still have 20 minutes to make it to the presentation hall ! You R beaten only if You think you are!! ”
“Getting a new wave of excitement within my blood, I spurted on my feet.
I started making this checklist of imp things to be done!!
“Brush…..??”
“Naah…..Not needed, I brushed yesterday”
“Toilet..??”
“Our office has got a good one!”
“Bath??”
“U crazy?? In a crisis like THIS??? U just had one day before yesterday…Or maybe before that! Spare the trouble !!”
I thanked GOD for as important an invention as a deodorant. This useful invention has been responsible for eliminating most of the pollution from earth. So what if it causes global warming !!!
Got hold of a T-Shirt, and jeans in quick succession !! Hairs?? Why bother….Get a comb n get it done during walk to the office! I dashed out, locking my room!
The dog on the street glanced at me. And then took off in the opposite direction.
I couldn’t understand why!!
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
the Restaurant Odyssey Part-5
" Baag ki baat baag ka maali hi samjhe...
Phoolon ka dard Jhukti daali hi samjhe,
Yeh kaisi reet banaayi Duniya waalon ne.....
Diye ka Dil jale aur log diwaali samjhen...??"
Those are the weirdo senti Shers one tells to himself, when he has become a Devdas.
I was coming close to Mr. D, to give him competetion.
Zindagi mein kuch baaki nahi reh gaya tha.It was all over with one blow.
Few words that changed my life:
"The number You have dialed is out of service. Yeh number asthaayi taur pe Sthagit hai"
I should have expected that !
Y The hell did'nt I ask her to give me a missed call on my number?? What difference would it make? She can always hang up the phone !! But a WRONG Number??? Hell !!Was I THAT BAD ?????
Swami was grinning ear to ear, on having salvaged his lost pride !!Amit n Amber were laughing to each other about that funny guy behind us in that same Freezeland.I had every reason to believe that the Funny guy was ME !!
Never had it felt so BAD.....
She gave me a Phoney Number?? Shit !!
But where did I go Wrong ?? Okay, I wasn't a pro like my other friends. I was'nt as handsome as them. I did'nt have much cash( Change does'nt qualify)I did'nt have gr8 clothes...But would it have made any difference??Naah.
Well, on second thought, yeah....It would have !!
Poor me !! I could just rue upon my luck. How could such a beautiful and innocent girl lie?? Lying is done by WICKED girls having horns on their heads and tails at their backs.
Am I going wrong in my analysis of her?? Maybe I misheard the number !
Maybe I did'nt take it down properly!
Or maybe I was slayed.....Yeah...I was !!
My mind was running riot, storming with thoughts. Although my first beginning was good, it did'nt yield to me the desired results. Or maybe I just plain expected too much !! How can a novice get a girl THAT good?? he he...Yeah..it is right..It was plain foolish to even think of that...he he..Ya, Here'z where I went wrong. I was'nt good enuf for her !!
Good consolation man....I was telling to myself. But still I was'nt satisfied!!Bad breath?? Naah.....I never smoke or eat non-veg..I brush twice daily too!
Bad odour?? Naah..I haf a repertoire of deos at my disposal!
Bad hairs?? Naah...I just had them stylized a week back. But maybe the guy did'nt do a gr8 job
My talks?? Naah...I was decent n polite enough !Clothes?? hmm...Maybe....But I CANNOT be rejected on THAT..Can I??
Ohk.....Never mind....Leave that damn girl !! She was'nt worth me anywayz. She had a pimple on her face. N I remember her slippers were'nt class. Her hairs were all messed up. That jeans she wore was'nt branded. Interior designer..Huh...She might have been a cheap model..No more!!
Whom was I kidding....I don't know..!! I had lost her...And there was no hope for me. No salvation, except eating that small sandwich piece that was on my plate, and was eyed ravenously by Amit, who seems to posess an in-satiable apetite. I made my moves reluctantly towards the piece. Even it seemed to tel me "hey loser...Get Ur hands off me...U don't deserve me...Had I had legs, I would have walked away..
"A big loser...!! Yeah....Perfect...Why did I try at the first place??
Just to lose??
Atleast I tried......But what does it matter ??A near miss is as good as a miss !!
For some time, Swami and Co. did'nt try to placate me. They seemed to be more interested in the girls swooning here n there. Somehow, mysteriously, all of them seemed to have turned more gorgeous n I was sure that they were giving all my friends inviting glances. And my friends had left me to die. Could it get any worse ???
The waiter dropped burning tea on my brand new jeans.
The rush of expletives from my mouth was about to break the dam, had it not been for a top-of-the-voice conversation, that had caught my attention.It was a girl, who was chastising a boy....and by chastising I mean, Beating black n blue, with words alone ! Don't know what she would have done, if she had a hunter in her hand. I pitied the poor guy. She would have been the same age as that of Shruti, but less Beautiful. The guy was quite much like me.
" U moron....What do U think I am....A commodity?? All you guys are the same....U perverted pigs !!
"But vineeta...."
"What do U want to explain...haan...tell me...How wud U explain your seing my room-mate..U bastard !!"
"Look Vineeta....U know she is a good frnd of mine, before we had met.."
"So that means U can screw arnd with her behind my back??"
She was screaming
"I did'nt do....."" Of cource.....U R soo innocent....U went into her bathroom to clean the drain..Is'nt it??"
"She was locked inside...I was just trying to..."
"yeah...Of cource...The prince in the shining armour....Always to the rescue....Ten-tenan...Stop kidding me U moron...Do U think I am a baby, whom U can entice with these fairytales of yours??Look Rahul.......I am not going to leave U...I swear..I am gonna kill U"
"No wonder"I thought !! If she keeps the same tirade going, either the guy is gonna drown in self-depression...Or she is gonna get the fork into his throat...But it was entertainment nevertheless....And FREE too!!"
Look Viny....Just gimme a chance to explain...."
" U Loser...U still have nerves to explain!!..After what I had seen with my own eyes....?? No-one can tolerate you more than I have done....Your Bad breath.."
"Bad br.."
"Ur incessant loitering..."
"wh.."
"Ur foolish comments"
"Com.."
"Ur Senseless talks, Ur forgetting the dates...Ur Monkey looks.."
"Monkey??"
"Yeah...And U smell real ugly......And U R a LOSER...U understand that!!L O S E R...Loser.. Don't even think of contacting me from now on......From now on use your personality for Birth control...Goodbye Sucker"
I had no interest in that girl...I was looking at that guys face. It was RED....Enough to put a tomato to shame !!He kept sitting there.......Every1 was looking at him...But he didn’t care to notice !!I don’t know what took me to his table….Amit and group caught my Tee, but I moved on, as if in trance.
I reached him, and said, “Can I sit with you for a second”?
“Yeah…And what would you prefer to call me….A dickhead…A moron..?? Impotent?? Ohh….Nope…Not at all….A SAVAGE HEARTED BASTARD …Yaah..A SAVAGE HEARTED BASTARD will be perfect….THAT’s WHAT I AM…RIGHT??? Isn’t that what You are going to call me??”he exploded..” I DON”T NEED YOUR SYMPATHIES..!! BUZZ OFF !!!!”
“I just wanted to tell you…That you are a great person to have maintained your cool…I couldn’t have done that. I respect you for that. And I wish you all the best”His expressions changed from a maniac, to that of a gullible infant intent to listen.
As I turned around..He said “Wait, sit down”He stared in oblivion and muttered, not looking at me
“Three years….I and Vineeta have been together. I have always understood her and tried to take care of her. When she didn’t have a shoulder to cry upon, I gave her one. When she didn’t have any1 to discuss her chemistry doubts, I solved them for her. When she had no one to go with for Disc, I volunteered. When she missed Maths lecture, it was I who copied them for her. 106 fever..She had no-one besides….But me. I kept awake all night, just so that she can sleep in peace. And never ever have I mentioned her this. And she tells me, I am …..”
…It is strange how Boys cry..They are really Hoarse….They should not cry. Crying should be a privileged domain of girls…It is their copyright..And it should be left to them to rule.
“ What did I do?? Help her friend?? It was Jenny who called me , since she had been locked inside that bathroom, while I was passing down Viny’s room. What should have I done….Let her screaming ?? Yes..I should have done that…That would have pleased Viny. But I am a human being…What the hell…WHY am I?? I LOVED her DAMNIT!!!”
I was listening….And thinking…Is that the fate which one meets after true love??Don’t know..I have never been in true love…And if THIS is true love…I don’t want to experience it. Maybe not every girl is Vineeta. But IF MINE is…?? I shall be doomed !!
I put my hand on Rahul’s Shoulder and pressed it inadvertently…and moved on.
The adage came to my mind
“ I always cried that I did’nt have good shoes….Till I met a man down the street, who had no legs !!”
It was a revelation, how you can take what happens to you….when it happens.
Its revealing how you can have an extreme rollercoaster of emotions with the same person.
Its revealing also that accident do not happen only to others.
I moved on !!
I heard a familiar voice, crying “Ankit,….Is that YOU..??. I am sorry, I.. ”
I don’t know who she was.
Neither did I want to know
.…I moved on !!
"The restaurant Odyssey: Part 4
Time:01:03pm
" I don't like You ! "
"Excuse me??"
" yeah...U heard it correctly....I don't like U at all !!"
"You talking to me, Mister??"
"yeah...Very much to you !! " I was speaking...A faint smile on my lips.
" U are Bad ! Since last 10 minutes, I have been thinking of talking to U, but I could not muster enough courage ! So all I can say is....That YOU are bad !! "
"Are U crazy??"
" What do U think"?
"I think You are nuts"
"Being frank means U R nuts?....Then I am nuts"
" U mean U REALLY waited 10 minutes to talk to me??"
"No, I was joking"
" That was a bad joke"
"M sorry then....My sense of humour needs a better company"
"Don't go too far"
" I am just standing here"
(The second visibly amused n famished girl gets a call from GOD and she leaves the drrama in between....That was GOD helping me on his part)
" What exactly do U want...I am getting late"
"A chance to talk to you"
"What if I say No.."
"I will go straight back out of this building"
*A Pause*
"U hitting on me?"
"Nope...Just want to have a good time in talking"
"But I don't know U"
"Me too: N i especially don't like talking while standing"
"Ohh soo sorry...Please have a seat!"
I could'nt believe what was happening ! I had come totally unprepared ! I just had a faint idea how I wud proceed. The approach was novel, but immature. It was weird.It suited me becoz I was a guy who never took things to heart, n spoke my mind. I did this here as well. N LO...!! I got a seat....Instead of a slap !!! It was worth the effort as of now. Even if I lost 100 bucks, I had made a good start in my PR. But this was not a time for self appreciation.
TIME:01:15
"So what do U want to talk abt. I want to tell U that I already have a boyfriend, who is due to come in here anytime now. Please make it fast, before he sees you and thrashes you.
I had thanked GOD a lot earlier....This was a blow out of the wild. I was let flabbergasted. I still did'nt let it show on my face.
" He won't mind his girl talking to a friend...Would he?"
"If HE thinks that YOU are a friend"
"Why won't he: Don't I look like one??"
"its not like that...."
"Ankit"
"Its not like that Ankit ! U seem a nice guy at first look"
"First impressions can be deceptive, and I think U should not trust them. World around us is cruel U know"
"So I shud'nt trust U , right??"
(Blunder.....Log Paanv pe kulhaadi maarte hain...Maine Kulhaadi pe paanv maar liya..Shit..Shit!!)
"Err....I did'nt mean that...I meant that U MAY trust me if Your heart says so !!"
"Lets not talk abt mushy stuff now...I hate that"
"I don't especially like it either"
" So what do U do Ankit, besides flirting with girls?"
(So much sarcasm??? U R my first prey; I thought)
" I do NOT flirt with girls ! I just wanted to have a time to tell you that you are one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen in my life. Not that you don't know of it ! Still telling U this"
" I am flattered...Tell me something new !! "
( I did'nt know what to speak !! Momentary confusion ! I th8 girls liked flattery.But it was getting me nowhere !!!! 2 minutes were over long back....What to speak now??)
" Your Name is Nivedita !! "
"Nope....My name is Shruti"
"I told U somethin new...Which U asked for"
*Laughter*
Her laugh was like chiming bells.For a second, I almost lost touch with reality.This was the first time she smiled n my heart lost a beat. Was she beautiful..!! Cool breeze that blew over her hairs came to my face with a moist sensation. I wondered if I was lying on the beaches of Kerala...
"I don't know Ankit weather I should talk to U or not...but I think I will take a chance with this MEAN world"
She smiled again..
"The pleasure shall be all mine..Btway, what do U do??"
" I am an interior designer !!"
"Which firm??"
"Reynolds Associates"
"ohh..I see, are'nt they the ones who just had a merger with Rascolo Ltd. this saturday?"
"ya...Haf you been researching on my company?"
"Naah....Just preparing for a few exams"
"You, exams??"
"Ya...U know, Interior designing was my first love...My mom is an interior designer too"
"That's good !! Is she a professional"
"No...She decorates our home..."
(That beautiful laugh once again.....I was elated with myslef....But this time I did'nt thank GOD..)
" U R funny....I like that"
"Gee...thanks !!"
(Now was the tough part ! I knew I could'nt retain her interest for very long ! N even her BF might come.I have accomplished my purpose. If I hafto meet her the next time, I hafto play my cards perfect right now.This is the big exam of Ur grit buddy !! )
"hey, I should be leaving now ! It was really a pleasure talking to U."
"Y ankit...What happened??"
"No...Nothing Shruti.I haveto catch a class, and my friends are waiting for me too, over there"She glanced at them, and they flashed their beatific smile that would have put a baby to shame !She waved at them too !!I had won the bet !
"ohk...Never mind !! We shall bump into each other someday"
"I sure hope that this someday comes tomorrow ! Had it not been for this damn class..."
"It was nice to know U Ankit"
"Well, it would be nicer if U can take down my phone number, and call me whenever U feel like having a talk with a friend. Maybe Ur BF won't mind MUCH"
" We split !! I lied that time to scare U off...But U were too persistent"
"I am sorry !! U would find a better guy someday"
"I am not looking"
"I know Shruti....U are a sweet girl and I would be very lucky to have you as a good friend"
" same here Ankit"
"My number is 098985 xxxxx"
"ohk..U want my number??"
"Can I say Yes?"
Same smile again !! Same flashing of bells !!
"Yes, U can ! It is 098988 xxxxx"
"AIRTEL!"
"yeah!"
"Don't worry, I would call U only 10,000 times a day"
"Lets C, how much patience do U have"
"I seem to have lots of it ! Okay Shruti..I will take leave of U now.I hope U won't mind chatting to me once a while over a cup of coffee !"
"No Ankit...It would be great ! Good and decent conversations are difficult nowadays"
"That I can bet upon, C you soon Shruti"
Time: 01:37
I reached at my frnd's table.They were staring at me with mouth Wide agape.
Amber showed me the watch.
"35 mints !!!!!! What were u telling her???? Fairy tales????"
"Shut up n lets go"I said slowly.
They all were quiet....And then we left in a hurry.The rest of the story ends with Swami getting a good verbal thrashing for having ridiculed me, and his shelling out 100/-But it was long past money ! I began dreaming of tomorrow...
" I don't like You ! "
"Excuse me??"
" yeah...U heard it correctly....I don't like U at all !!"
"You talking to me, Mister??"
"yeah...Very much to you !! " I was speaking...A faint smile on my lips.
" U are Bad ! Since last 10 minutes, I have been thinking of talking to U, but I could not muster enough courage ! So all I can say is....That YOU are bad !! "
"Are U crazy??"
" What do U think"?
"I think You are nuts"
"Being frank means U R nuts?....Then I am nuts"
" U mean U REALLY waited 10 minutes to talk to me??"
"No, I was joking"
" That was a bad joke"
"M sorry then....My sense of humour needs a better company"
"Don't go too far"
" I am just standing here"
(The second visibly amused n famished girl gets a call from GOD and she leaves the drrama in between....That was GOD helping me on his part)
" What exactly do U want...I am getting late"
"A chance to talk to you"
"What if I say No.."
"I will go straight back out of this building"
*A Pause*
"U hitting on me?"
"Nope...Just want to have a good time in talking"
"But I don't know U"
"Me too: N i especially don't like talking while standing"
"Ohh soo sorry...Please have a seat!"
I could'nt believe what was happening ! I had come totally unprepared ! I just had a faint idea how I wud proceed. The approach was novel, but immature. It was weird.It suited me becoz I was a guy who never took things to heart, n spoke my mind. I did this here as well. N LO...!! I got a seat....Instead of a slap !!! It was worth the effort as of now. Even if I lost 100 bucks, I had made a good start in my PR. But this was not a time for self appreciation.
TIME:01:15
"So what do U want to talk abt. I want to tell U that I already have a boyfriend, who is due to come in here anytime now. Please make it fast, before he sees you and thrashes you.
I had thanked GOD a lot earlier....This was a blow out of the wild. I was let flabbergasted. I still did'nt let it show on my face.
" He won't mind his girl talking to a friend...Would he?"
"If HE thinks that YOU are a friend"
"Why won't he: Don't I look like one??"
"its not like that...."
"Ankit"
"Its not like that Ankit ! U seem a nice guy at first look"
"First impressions can be deceptive, and I think U should not trust them. World around us is cruel U know"
"So I shud'nt trust U , right??"
(Blunder.....Log Paanv pe kulhaadi maarte hain...Maine Kulhaadi pe paanv maar liya..Shit..Shit!!)
"Err....I did'nt mean that...I meant that U MAY trust me if Your heart says so !!"
"Lets not talk abt mushy stuff now...I hate that"
"I don't especially like it either"
" So what do U do Ankit, besides flirting with girls?"
(So much sarcasm??? U R my first prey; I thought)
" I do NOT flirt with girls ! I just wanted to have a time to tell you that you are one of the prettiest girls I have ever seen in my life. Not that you don't know of it ! Still telling U this"
" I am flattered...Tell me something new !! "
( I did'nt know what to speak !! Momentary confusion ! I th8 girls liked flattery.But it was getting me nowhere !!!! 2 minutes were over long back....What to speak now??)
" Your Name is Nivedita !! "
"Nope....My name is Shruti"
"I told U somethin new...Which U asked for"
*Laughter*
Her laugh was like chiming bells.For a second, I almost lost touch with reality.This was the first time she smiled n my heart lost a beat. Was she beautiful..!! Cool breeze that blew over her hairs came to my face with a moist sensation. I wondered if I was lying on the beaches of Kerala...
"I don't know Ankit weather I should talk to U or not...but I think I will take a chance with this MEAN world"
She smiled again..
"The pleasure shall be all mine..Btway, what do U do??"
" I am an interior designer !!"
"Which firm??"
"Reynolds Associates"
"ohh..I see, are'nt they the ones who just had a merger with Rascolo Ltd. this saturday?"
"ya...Haf you been researching on my company?"
"Naah....Just preparing for a few exams"
"You, exams??"
"Ya...U know, Interior designing was my first love...My mom is an interior designer too"
"That's good !! Is she a professional"
"No...She decorates our home..."
(That beautiful laugh once again.....I was elated with myslef....But this time I did'nt thank GOD..)
" U R funny....I like that"
"Gee...thanks !!"
(Now was the tough part ! I knew I could'nt retain her interest for very long ! N even her BF might come.I have accomplished my purpose. If I hafto meet her the next time, I hafto play my cards perfect right now.This is the big exam of Ur grit buddy !! )
"hey, I should be leaving now ! It was really a pleasure talking to U."
"Y ankit...What happened??"
"No...Nothing Shruti.I haveto catch a class, and my friends are waiting for me too, over there"She glanced at them, and they flashed their beatific smile that would have put a baby to shame !She waved at them too !!I had won the bet !
"ohk...Never mind !! We shall bump into each other someday"
"I sure hope that this someday comes tomorrow ! Had it not been for this damn class..."
"It was nice to know U Ankit"
"Well, it would be nicer if U can take down my phone number, and call me whenever U feel like having a talk with a friend. Maybe Ur BF won't mind MUCH"
" We split !! I lied that time to scare U off...But U were too persistent"
"I am sorry !! U would find a better guy someday"
"I am not looking"
"I know Shruti....U are a sweet girl and I would be very lucky to have you as a good friend"
" same here Ankit"
"My number is 098985 xxxxx"
"ohk..U want my number??"
"Can I say Yes?"
Same smile again !! Same flashing of bells !!
"Yes, U can ! It is 098988 xxxxx"
"AIRTEL!"
"yeah!"
"Don't worry, I would call U only 10,000 times a day"
"Lets C, how much patience do U have"
"I seem to have lots of it ! Okay Shruti..I will take leave of U now.I hope U won't mind chatting to me once a while over a cup of coffee !"
"No Ankit...It would be great ! Good and decent conversations are difficult nowadays"
"That I can bet upon, C you soon Shruti"
Time: 01:37
I reached at my frnd's table.They were staring at me with mouth Wide agape.
Amber showed me the watch.
"35 mints !!!!!! What were u telling her???? Fairy tales????"
"Shut up n lets go"I said slowly.
They all were quiet....And then we left in a hurry.The rest of the story ends with Swami getting a good verbal thrashing for having ridiculed me, and his shelling out 100/-But it was long past money ! I began dreaming of tomorrow...
The restaurant Odyssey: Part 3
"Can I have Ur order mam??"
" I will have Extra cheese burger, with caramel toppings, extra layer of beef with extra mayonese sause, alongwith DIET coke"-She said.
(Was she famished?? Did’nt look so !!
There are times, when U wonder WHY you were born...Worse, Y do people having a 100000 calorie burger diet insist on DIET Coke....WHY in the name of GOD?)
"Sure Mam..." I said, wondering about what MARATHON would she be running in her spare time, to maintain that svelte figure after eating that diet !!
"By the way Mam, I think I have seen U somewhere...On TV perhaps ! Do U mind giving me the autograph please??"(2 mints over...Good going already..Just the intro remains! Think think...)
"Ya, Sure...Why not?"
(Yess.....the arrow hit the bullseye in the darkness !! Tukka kaam kar gaya !Hey what tukka?? She is so good looking...Had to be a model on TV ! I was perspicacious enuf to sense that: My mind was blabbering)
" And one more favour Mam, if I am not asking for much...My friends are on that table...It wud be great if U can wave to them n sign them an autograph as well. They are a big fan of yours too !!"
"hey, did'nt YOU come from that same table right now ??"
"well..mam...err...I....err.."
" Hitting on me, U cheap coot !!!!!!"
"Mam U R........"
*SLAP*
I came out of my day dream as water splashed my face. I had taken the route to the washroom, instead of going to her directly, to BUY time n that was paying good dividends already. Saved me a slap already.
Not good enuf. That bastard Swami was clever enuf to include that condition in the bet that I hafto introduce her to them ! Shit..I am doomed. This trick won't work at all.Think Ankit--U moron-think....Where is all your thinking gone...Hibernation??
Your TRAIN of THOUGHTS have refused to leave the STATION buddy, I heard myself saying.Think think...there has to be a way !!!!
Lets begin !!
"hi there....This is Ankit....Ankit Agrawal"(In the lines of Bond....James Bond !)
" I have been studying(can I say OOGLE here...NOPE...DEFINITELY NOT) you since U came to this restaurant. I wonder if I have seen you somewhere ?"(would that be a nice opener???)
"ha ha...Every Tom dick n harry uses this punchline man ! Think of something new ! U R not getting anywhere with me by using cliches ! Better luck with someone else, WEIRDO !!"
I heard her say this in my head ! Ohkay..Weirdo is better than a slap.....M progressing already....Cool !!
The waiter in the restaurant stood beside me, wondering what this CARTOON is doing for so long in front of mirror, when he doesn’t have a face to show in the mirror!( I am sure he would have th8 me as a cartoon..I am certain). Un-amused by my histrionics, he brushed me aside, had his hairs styled, n went off !!
(Y the hell does he need HIS hairs styled....Is he eyeing that beauty too?? Shit..!!)
Naah...He went into the kitchen...Maybe his love interest was waiting there...Gone for GOOD I hoped..!!
I went along with my train of thoughts.
"Can I talk to you for a second.....please"
"Yes, what is it??"
"I want to discuss with you an urgent matter, can I take 5 mints of yours?"
" Just now U said a second"
" I mean...."
"ok....Is it really important?"
"Matter of life n death"
"ok..Go on"
" My mom is seriously Ill...She has an extreme form of Hypertenso-nostalicano-Catapurved Tendenitis of ganglions"
(I thanked my Bio professor to help me with ganglions, which I know had something to do with body parts"
" I am a doctor...N I know such a disease does'nt exist...U bastard !!"
*SLAP*
Naah...Not possible...She can't be a doctor....That is a chance I hafto take nowLets begin again!!"
" My mom is seriously Ill...She has an extreme form of Hypertenso-nostalicano-Catapurved Tendenitis of ganglions"
"ohh...I am soo sorry to hear that....Whatever that means"
" ya I know. She needs some blood urgently, and my family doctor,who also happens to be your family doctor too, told me that only one patient in his knowledge has the same blood group as my mother, and its YOU !!"
" And how exactly did he know I will be here at this time??"
"Well, apparently he happens to be an excellent astrologer too !!"
" what crap...That is not possible!!"
" what's Ur blood group??"
"A+ve"
"exactly...My mom also needs A+ve...Look that proves it !!"
" U R just hitting on me...I can just sense that...Go away before I slap U"*Gone..All hopes, outta the window*
I am running out of ideas.....It is already 15 minutes since I made the bet. It’s now or never. My mind went into top Gear, and a thought struck me.
I was ready for the final frontier.
* An ace of Spades*
" I will have Extra cheese burger, with caramel toppings, extra layer of beef with extra mayonese sause, alongwith DIET coke"-She said.
(Was she famished?? Did’nt look so !!
There are times, when U wonder WHY you were born...Worse, Y do people having a 100000 calorie burger diet insist on DIET Coke....WHY in the name of GOD?)
"Sure Mam..." I said, wondering about what MARATHON would she be running in her spare time, to maintain that svelte figure after eating that diet !!
"By the way Mam, I think I have seen U somewhere...On TV perhaps ! Do U mind giving me the autograph please??"(2 mints over...Good going already..Just the intro remains! Think think...)
"Ya, Sure...Why not?"
(Yess.....the arrow hit the bullseye in the darkness !! Tukka kaam kar gaya !Hey what tukka?? She is so good looking...Had to be a model on TV ! I was perspicacious enuf to sense that: My mind was blabbering)
" And one more favour Mam, if I am not asking for much...My friends are on that table...It wud be great if U can wave to them n sign them an autograph as well. They are a big fan of yours too !!"
"hey, did'nt YOU come from that same table right now ??"
"well..mam...err...I....err.."
" Hitting on me, U cheap coot !!!!!!"
"Mam U R........"
*SLAP*
I came out of my day dream as water splashed my face. I had taken the route to the washroom, instead of going to her directly, to BUY time n that was paying good dividends already. Saved me a slap already.
Not good enuf. That bastard Swami was clever enuf to include that condition in the bet that I hafto introduce her to them ! Shit..I am doomed. This trick won't work at all.Think Ankit--U moron-think....Where is all your thinking gone...Hibernation??
Your TRAIN of THOUGHTS have refused to leave the STATION buddy, I heard myself saying.Think think...there has to be a way !!!!
Lets begin !!
"hi there....This is Ankit....Ankit Agrawal"(In the lines of Bond....James Bond !)
" I have been studying(can I say OOGLE here...NOPE...DEFINITELY NOT) you since U came to this restaurant. I wonder if I have seen you somewhere ?"(would that be a nice opener???)
"ha ha...Every Tom dick n harry uses this punchline man ! Think of something new ! U R not getting anywhere with me by using cliches ! Better luck with someone else, WEIRDO !!"
I heard her say this in my head ! Ohkay..Weirdo is better than a slap.....M progressing already....Cool !!
The waiter in the restaurant stood beside me, wondering what this CARTOON is doing for so long in front of mirror, when he doesn’t have a face to show in the mirror!( I am sure he would have th8 me as a cartoon..I am certain). Un-amused by my histrionics, he brushed me aside, had his hairs styled, n went off !!
(Y the hell does he need HIS hairs styled....Is he eyeing that beauty too?? Shit..!!)
Naah...He went into the kitchen...Maybe his love interest was waiting there...Gone for GOOD I hoped..!!
I went along with my train of thoughts.
"Can I talk to you for a second.....please"
"Yes, what is it??"
"I want to discuss with you an urgent matter, can I take 5 mints of yours?"
" Just now U said a second"
" I mean...."
"ok....Is it really important?"
"Matter of life n death"
"ok..Go on"
" My mom is seriously Ill...She has an extreme form of Hypertenso-nostalicano-Catapurved Tendenitis of ganglions"
(I thanked my Bio professor to help me with ganglions, which I know had something to do with body parts"
" I am a doctor...N I know such a disease does'nt exist...U bastard !!"
*SLAP*
Naah...Not possible...She can't be a doctor....That is a chance I hafto take nowLets begin again!!"
" My mom is seriously Ill...She has an extreme form of Hypertenso-nostalicano-Catapurved Tendenitis of ganglions"
"ohh...I am soo sorry to hear that....Whatever that means"
" ya I know. She needs some blood urgently, and my family doctor,who also happens to be your family doctor too, told me that only one patient in his knowledge has the same blood group as my mother, and its YOU !!"
" And how exactly did he know I will be here at this time??"
"Well, apparently he happens to be an excellent astrologer too !!"
" what crap...That is not possible!!"
" what's Ur blood group??"
"A+ve"
"exactly...My mom also needs A+ve...Look that proves it !!"
" U R just hitting on me...I can just sense that...Go away before I slap U"*Gone..All hopes, outta the window*
I am running out of ideas.....It is already 15 minutes since I made the bet. It’s now or never. My mind went into top Gear, and a thought struck me.
I was ready for the final frontier.
* An ace of Spades*
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